okay, storytime. At a group sleepover, there’s this girl, the most innocent thing you’ve ever met, k? She nods off on the couch early on in the night. As everyone’s getting ready to play cards, one of my friends lean back and hears her mumbling in her sleep.
My friend motions for everyone to be quiet. The girl snuggles her blanket, smiles, and in the sweetest voice, says, “Go on, Brandon. You can jump. It’s only 30 stories.”
In highschool i had this little word processing device, and one night i was typing on it doing homework, and in the middle of question 12 i fell asleep, and when i woke back up i had writting “12. HE suggests we need to move the fountain” and i have no idea why.
First year university. I go to bed; my roommate’s up late finishing some project. A couple hours after I fall asleep, I start laughing. Roommate says my name to try to wake me up, because random laughter from the dead-asleep in the middle of the night is apparently pretty unsettling; in response, I stop laughing, sit up in bed, look straight at my roommate, and say, very menacingly, "You laugh now."
My roommate proceeds to have a very sleepless night.
My whole family talks in our sleep; the funniest is my youngest brother, who I once saw bolt upright in a dead sleep, shout, “[our middle sister] is a stupid idiot!” and fall straight back down. He’s a cop now, and one night he shook his wife awake (though he was still asleep), and said, “License and registration, please.”
Also, this week my just-turned-three nephew cried out in his sleep, “Don’t throw it in the TOILET!”
My sister claims I once said “Kind of like a genie, I guess,” and then continued snoring.
My favorite sleep-talking line of knownasbelen's, when we were college roommates, is “Five is kind of a number, I guess…”
(Source: best-of-memes, via imaheroitsayssoonmybracelet)
Knowledge is knowing that Frankenstein is not the monster.
Wisdom is knowing that Frankenstein is the monster.
i think there is no greater dark magic than the cha-cha slide
you will never get a group of people obeying every command so quickly as you will by putting on that song.
every previous conversation grinds to a halt as everyone goes to the left and then takes it back now y’all
(Source: vampirtini, via villainsexuale)
But it is the grass that hides the viper from his enemies and shelters him until he strikes.
(Source: lannestere, via atouchofanarchy)